photo credit: informedvote.ca
I have always wanted to write about separation anxiety with mommies and babies. But presently, ako lang ata ang may separation anxiety from Anika. Si Anika, medyo deadma pa lang.
I came across this article when I opened my Yahoo website the other day. I got teary eyed and I want to share this to other working moms and future working moms out there.
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Home Grown by Toni Tiu
For Yahoo! Southeast Asia
It was a cinematic moment. I kissed my son goodbye as he looked over his aunt’s shoulder, a frown forming on his face. Then they rode up the escalator as my son looked down at me. He was still frowning, his eyes beginning to water. I waved goodbye and walked away.
This sounds like a scene from a movie, with the parent about to leave for another country. The truth is this was a scene from one afternoon when I had to cut short a family mall trip for a weekend meeting. My heart ached nonetheless, as I tried to think of even more intense situations. At least I’m not going too far away from my child, I reasoned out as I made my way to the office. At least it’s just one afternoon, I tried convincing myself. “But it’s a Sunday!” my conscience berated. Try as I wanted to spend a Sunday according to family tradition, that is spending the day with family and nobody else, work called and I had to be there. The look on my baby’s face as I said goodbye haunted me the whole time I was at work. It was a painful, painful feeling.
It happens almost every morning. The baby sees me out the door each time I leave for work. I thought it would be better to just leave without saying goodbye, but I was advised by friends that it’s healthier if the baby knows you’re going out. Sneaking out will upset the baby more, I’ve been told. I’m not sure if he has gotten used to morning kisses goodbye and watching his mother ride away in a cab. I know I haven’t gotten used to watching his figure become smaller as the cab moves farther away from home.
My insides tighten when I remember one morning my son was on our bed, giving me a very confused look. I was brushing my hair, already in my business clothes and running late. When I called out to him to say goodbye, he slowly bent his head and began to cry. Ouch. I scooped him up in my arms and assured him I’d be home soon. Then I left for work, a little teary-eyed from quite a struggle of a morning.
Is separation anxiety worse for the parent or the child? It’s definitely not an apples to apples comparison, but the priority is, of course, baby. I’ve tried easing his separation anxiety by always saying goodbye when I leave. I want him to know I’m leaving. I want him to know where I’m going. If I were in my baby’s shoes, I’d probably be miserable if I thought my mother just left to go to the bathroom then not reappear till twelve hours later.
Another way to help my baby with his separation anxiety is to not show my own anxiety. A baby can be very perceptive. If you’re alarmed, he’ll feel it and be alarmed himself. Even if my heart breaks a little bit each time I leave in the morning, I try to put on a happy face and keep the mood light.
Saying goodbye when the baby is engrossed in an activity also helps lessen the drama. I find that it’s easier for both of us to say bye-bye when he’s in the middle of a good book or already eating breakfast. We still get to say goodbye, but the distractions make the transition more manageable.
Oh, he’ll be sad, and he could throw a tantrum if he wanted to, but these are the facts of life. When I was going back to work after my maternity leave, my pediatrician advised me that the baby also has to learn to cope. As a child becomes more independent, he will learn that Mommy and Daddy can’t always be there. He may be sad at the beginning, but over the course of the day he will eventually learn how to manage. It’s one way of empowering the child.
That is what I go back to when the separation anxiety gets to me. For as long as I know my baby is in good hands back home, I believe he will be fine. I believe he will be able to manage. Mornings may become less dramatic as the baby becomes used to the morning goodbye routine, but I think it will always be tough on me. But parenting is letting go, one of my friends advised me. It is through this that we help empower our children. It is through this that we help them grow up.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Touching diba? Dyosme, siguro if that happens na iiyakan ako ni Anika pag I'm on my way to work, ewan ko na lang.. Baka dalawa kami umiiyak na nun! haha!
Note: You can follow the writer's blog, Wifely Steps. Just click on the link =D
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