I received a call a while ago while I was having my lunch at home. It was the HR of my future employer. I thought she was calling because I have yet to fax my signed contract to them. But she told me that she was calling because the big bosses were requesting me to report to work this Monday. I was surprised because we already agreed last week that I'll report to their office on July 12 which was perfect because it allows me to spend at least one more month with Anika.
Pero hindi. The big bosses said that they are already going to have meetings about the turnover process and they need me na to be there. I asked baka pwede kahit next Monday na lang because i have also to make asikaso the requirements. Thankfully they agreed.
Don't get me wrong. I am thankful that I already have a job. Why will I complain eh ang dami dyang hirap makakuha ng work. I am thankful but that also means I will now only get to spend a little over a week na lang with my baby Anika, and that breaks my heart.
After the conversation, I went up to our room and got Anika from Girlie (well after Girlie cleaned her kasi nagpoopoo siya hehe). I told Girlie to eat na her lunch downstairs. I carried Anika and saw that her smiling and was cooing at me the whole time. PAKSHET! My baby's soo cute and looked so innocent parang happy na happy na kinuha ko siya sa yaya niya. Di niya alam, come next monday, she'll see me na lang in the mornings and hopefully paggising pa siya when i get back from work. And then I felt it. Merong sobrang sakit somewhere inside my chest. It was painful and I started to cry. I let my tears flow to lessen the pain that I felt. After a while, I wiped my face kasi baka pagpasok ni girlie eh sabihin nasisiraan na ako ng bait.Anyways, I wanted to spend more time with her while I was carrying her pero nakatulog na siya so i had no choice but to put her down. I was still feeling bad kaya I decided to write this blog.
Ganito pala ang pagiging mommy. You make decisions that pains you pero you still do it because of your love for your baby. Like what I told my friend Norie when she messaged me about my blog entry regarding my going back to work, I will not have second thoughts of staying at home to take care of Anika if only we were financially covered (everyday expenses, savings and all). I'll never exchange being a stay at home mom with my career but the circumstances dictates otherwise. I have to work. I need to work. I'll make bawi to Anika in some other way.
It may sound OA (over acting) to some of you pero I know you will understand once magkababy na din kayo. Tingnan natin kung di din kayo ngumalngal pagnangyari sainyo ito.
Nanay loves you baby!!!!!
i super know the feeling. i wannna be a stay at home mom since gaby was born 4 years ago pa =(
ReplyDeleteako nga fleur, 2months old ko iniwan ang anak ko sa biyenan ko, 4 provinces away. ni-nenok ko ung isang baru-baruan niya para maamoy ko paguwi ko sa las pinas kasi baka maloka ako sa miss ko sa anak ko. o diba? 6months kong ginagawa yun,,everytime umuuwi ako pinapalitan ko ung bitbit kong damit para kapit ulet ung amoy...
ReplyDeletenaku fleur, hindi OA yan noh! natural kaya yan. ganyan din ako before nung bumalik nako sa work. kahit kaya ngayon, mag 5 yrs. old na anak ko, pag sinabi niyang "mommy, please stay with me because i love you and miss you..please don't go to work!" putek! parang dinudurog puso ko pag punta nako sa work noh! naku, wait 'til magkapagsalita na si baby annika. masmahirap kasi may isip na..=(
ReplyDeletehaaay... thank you girls for sharing... lahat pala ng mommies ganito din pala nararamdaman...
ReplyDeleteiniisip ko pa lang naiiyak na din ako....
ReplyDeleteI perfectly understand. That is the reason why I prefer working at home where I can earn while having my kids around.
ReplyDeleteI'm thankful na ganito nga ang naging work. Basta may pc at internet, ok na!
hi ms. fleur, if only we can be stay at home moms no? sabi nga nila there is no greater feeling than to witness all your child's milestones, especially if she's your first. but you're still luckier, compared to me that is. At least you still get to see your Anika first thing in the morning and when you go home at night. In my case, I have to ship off my baby to her grandma's in Zamboanga City when she was just a little over a month old. I work here at Q.C. and still under specialized schooling and is yet going to be given my place of assignment in August (Im a Forensic Chemist wearing a policewoman's uniform). Until then, my baby is staying with my hubby and her lola. I know I'll feel the same feelings you described in this blog entry when I'll go visit them this coming holy week. and although i know what's coming, I know I'll never be ready for this kind of feelings. I hope and pray that missing her every single day Im not with her will be enough, I hope that whenever I'm there for a visit (once a month, airfare is way so expensive), she will willingly come to me and likes to be with me instead of with somebody else (wishful thinking, i know)
ReplyDelete@Cath! You're so lucky!!!! =)
ReplyDelete@Christine: Masakit, I tell you. Parang hinihiwa puso mo =c Pero that's the way it is, they always tell me. Reading your comment parang na-sad ako for you. I feel bad na, pano pa nga kaya ikaw? =c Make them have Skype para you get to see each other kahit papaano (but i know it's not the same!)
Pero girl, kahit anong mangyari, tayo nanay ng mga yan. Whatever happens, sa atin galing yan kaya for sure hahanapin at hahanapin pa din nila tayo.
Let us smile =) Cute ang mga babies natin =)