Unsolicited Advice To New and Future Moms

Photo credit wallcoo.net

Let's face it. Motherhood isn't like what we pictured it to be. I thought it was all about cute babies, shopping for baby things and strolling down the park with them. That was why before I got married, I wanted to have many, many children. As in like mga 5 siguro. Parang masaya eh. But when I got pregnant, I was nauseated the whole daw and was vomiting like there's no tomorrow. And then I spent 36 grueling hours at the labor room, only to be told na they will be cutting me up din pala. And then came the humongous hospital bill. And then came the literally sleepless nights with you rocking the baby to sleep while your bikini cut stitch hurts like hell. And then came the pains of breastfeeding and the unexplainable baby blues. And then came the doctors fee, vaccine shots, diapers and formula milk bills which costs as much as a new signature bag per month. So from the initial five kids that I wanted to have, I decided one cute little baby was enough for me.

Don't get me wrong. I do not regret going through all those. Dyan nabuo ang pagkababae ko eh and I now have the most beautiful and adorable baby girl. All I'm saying was that, it wasn't what I expected and I feel that all expectant mothers out there should be warned. It's not easy. Baka if they adjusted their expectations, maybe they won't have baby blues or worse have post partum depression.

To help in own little way, I have compiled some advices to new and future mommies out there which are all based on my experience. Here they are:

1.) Prepare for the first month after you have given birth. It will be difficult. After going to labor and giving birth, you have now to take care of the baby. You will have no sleep so try to sleep while the baby sleeps. You will feel a lot of anxiety because technically, you really do not know what to do yet. But I tell you, it will come naturally and this hardship that you will go through will soon pass.

2.) You cannot break the baby. Seriously. Do not be afraid to carry him/her. Just be sure to always support the neck and head.

3.) Have your other half help you. Let hubby carry the baby and put him to sleep. Make him change the diapers. Gone na are the days when the husband is the one in charge of working while the mom is solo with the baby's needs. You both wanted this baby and both of you sure enjoyed making it *hehe*, kaya equal responsibilities dapat. Am I right ladies?

4.) Indulge in buying your baby cute things. If you have the means, why not di ba? Lagi ako napapagalitan when it comes to buying Anika things. I love buying her cute dresses and other anik anik. Sayang daw kakalakihan naman. But no. She won't go back to this age eh. You won't see her this cute anymore. So go, buy lang ng buy. As long as kaya and you don't ask other people for money, knock yourself out shopping for your little one! She deserves the best =)

5.) Take lots and lots of photographs.

6.) Join support groups in the internet like newlywedsatwork (N@W) and femalenetwork.com. You can learn a whole lot of things from the girls here. You'd be surprised because kahit you don't know each other, feeling close kayo because they're all supportive, friendly and helpful =)

7.) I know after giving birth you would love to go to the parlor, have your hair fixed, have manicure and pedicure or even have your down there trimmed or waxed (i swear, the nurses have no consideration in shaving your vajajay in the delivery room. Di man lang ayusin!). But I advise you to wait for at least a month. Be with your baby. They need you the most during this time. Sige nga, imagine if bigla ka napunta sa isang alien na planet and you do not have anybody with you, nakakasad and frighten di ba? It's just like that with babies. They spent 9 months cuddled in your womb and after that parang alone na sila bigla. Kaya be there with your baby. I'm sure you'd be too exhausted to leave the house anyway hehehe!

8.) And then, you go out to save your sanity. As a mom, you will know and feel the right time when to leave a baby to a reliable sitter or a willing grandparent. When that time comes, go out. It will be good for you and your baby. Remember, if there's a happy mommy, definitely there will be a happy hubby and baby =)

9.) Never ever risk anything with your baby. If you feel something's wrong, go to the hospital. I have kwento regarding this. When Anika was like 3 weeks old, nagmuta siya. As in her left eye ang daming muta. My mother in law said that it was normal because the blah blah blah was still developing. However, one night, Alvin noticed that masyadong madami na and the eye is parang redish. Hay naku! We rushed Anika to the ER of Asian Hospital! When the doctor attended to us, parang medyo natawa siya. She said it's normal na magmuta ang baby at this age. We just had to massage yung corner ng eye niya and clean the eye with a clean damp cloth. She even asked "First baby niyo?" and I was like "Obvious ba?!" but siyempre I didn't say that out loud. After five minutes she sent us home and billed us Php 1,500 for that 5 minutes. On the way home, because we were feeling relieved already, natatawa na kami sa sarili namin. Alvin said, okay lang magmukhang tanga and spend money basta we are sure Anika is okay. Your paranoia level will be at the highest talaga when you have a baby na.

10.) Always make sure the room is clean. I was a burara person when I was still a dalaga but that changed now. Super neat freak na ako. I don't like kasi insects biting Anika eh. I tell my househelp to clean the room and the house everyday. Lalo na now, super uso ang Dengue.

11.) Try to breastfeed as long as you can. If there was one thing I regret, it was not breastfeeding Anika as long as I wanted to. Baby blues (almost post partum depression) was kicking me really hard that time and I felt that I was going to lose it soon so I had to stop. (To future mommies: breastfeeding isn't easy ha? Going to labor and giving birth are easier than breastfeeding your baby. Seriously). Now looking at Anika, I wish I could go back to the time when I was breastfeeding her. I feel that I should have tried harder to fight the blues so I could breastfeed her longer.

TO WORKING MOMS:

12.) Feeling guilty will be normal and will soon pass however there will be a lot of occasional stabs of guilt every now and then.

13.) Always make paalam to your baby before you leave for the office. I read somewhere that it will be easier for the baby to know that you will be gone and will be coming back rather than just leave and reappear after 12 hours.

14.) When it comes to spending time, quality is better than quantity. You may not be with your babies as often as you'd like but but when you're with them make sure they have your 100% attention. I was guilty of that before. When I started working, I got addicted to blogging too. So during weekend mornings, I'm playing with Anika while updating my blog or facebook. Namulat ako nung I was playing with her and then uploading pictures in my blog. I noticed Anika wasn't making any noise so I looked over to her. She was just staring at me na parang "ngayon nga lang tayo nagsasama tapos blog ka pa ng blog!". Maybe it was just coincidence her doing that but nevertheless, i came to my senses. From then on if Im with her, she has my undivided attention.

And lastly,

15.) Prepare to become a little less self-centered everyday. I know some girls who think and act like the world revolves around them. They irritate the hell out of me. But then I realized, looking at them was just like looking at me a few years back. So I tell myself, magbabago din yang mga yan. Wait until they become mothers. Tanggal mga arte niyan... 

=)

Experienced mothers, feel free to correct me or add more learnings ayt?!