Drama Ni Nanay

Dear Anika,


Yesterday, your two Ninang Michelles texted me to ask me to join them for dinner at Cable Car. I badly wanted to go because I haven't seen your Ninang Michelle Arnaiz for the longest time plus being with your two Ninangs makes Nanay happy. However, I had to beg off because I wanted to go home agad to spend time with you. Last Sunday kasi, while we were having dinner with Wowa at Greenbelt, you didn't stop crying because you were so sleepy already. When you woke up at 4am the next day, super maga ang eyes mo kaya naawa talaga ako. I wanted to be with you as soon as I got out of the office.


When we arrived at our house, I saw you were about to sleep na. I took a bath hurriedly and got you from your Yaya Girlie. I tried putting you to sleep but you kept on grunting and wiggling around. You were crying na already. I tried everything to console you and make you comfortable so that you can sleep in my arms but you didn't want to. Your cries became louder and louder. Yaya Girlie had to take you from me. At that instant, you stopped crying and fell asleep. I saw how peaceful you looked while Girlie rocked you to sleep. 


I sat down on our bed and tears flowed. I felt hurt. It's painful to not be able to cradle you and put you to sleep because you are more used to your Yaya Girlie's arms. This is the price I have to pay for being a working mom and it hurts really bad. 


Your Tatay tried to console me but I didn't want to be consoled. I wanted to get mad but to whom? I cannot blame Girlie. I can't blame your Tatay. Hell, I can't blame you ofcourse. We went down to our living room instead and I continued to cry. I have never wanted to have more in life but at that time, I wished we were super rich to a point that I didn't need to work just to be with you. I didn't want to feel bitter but that time I wished we were one of those couples who live with their rich parents so everything basic is provided for.


Tatay said that we need to make sacrifices for you. I need to make tiis this feeling so that you can have the best in life. We have to prepare and save up especially for your education in the future. Wowa already told me to anticipate this but it's still hard now that I have experienced it.


I love you so much Anak. I hope you feel that even though I am not around most of the time during the day. I love you so much that I am willing to look away and swallow this pain whenever you choose to be with Girlie rather than to be with me during this time. I love you so much that even if this continuously happens, I will not stop trying to make myself close to you. I love you Anak and I will always tell you that.

After I have stopped crying and have embraced by Tatay, I went up to our room again. I stared at you while you were sound asleep in your crib. I put anti mosquito lotion on you, sprayed some anti mosquito spray at the corners of your bed, fixed your blanket and gently kissed you goodnight. It was only 8.30pm but because of my heavy heart, I didn't feel like eating or doing anything else so I just went to sleep.


I hope Anak in the future when you come across this blog entry, you'll feel how much Nanay loves you. I love you now, I love you in the future and I will love you forever.


Love,


Nanay