How Praning Can You Get?!

Praning is a Tagalong slang for PARANOID.

I write this blog because I was nagtataka why my baby Anika has a full time yaya and yet I find myself super puyat pa din every day.

You see, I read somewhere that even if you and your husband have a baby already, it is advisable that both of you still sleep together in the same bed. When Anika was just a little over a month old, we tried sleeping beside her with me in the middle. But, I wasn't able to sleep well because Alvin kept on turning  (and twisting!). I learned the next day that hindi pala siya mapakali because he was afraid that we would crush Anika while we sleep. So after that, Alvin slept on a mat on the floor while I sleep beside Anika on our bed.

Now that Im already working, I cannot wake up 3x a night everyday anymore because I didnt want to go to work looking like a zombie. And so our sleeping arrangement changed again. Alvin sleeps on the mat with me beside him (which is important nga daw, husband and wife sleeping on the same bed lagi) and Anika sleeps with Girlie on our bed. Okay na dapat diba?

But... Every time i feel Anika twitches or cry just a little bit, I am jolted awake. Mother instincts. Mother insticts also makes me lack sleep but I am not complaining. Praning talaga ako eh.

Here are more instances that shows how praning I am:

1.) Even before Anika was born, I unintentionally wake up in the middle of the night and check if Alvin is still breathing. I know, ang morbid ko. But do you know that "bangungot" often happens to guys more than to girls? Lalo na dun sa mga kumakain before they sleep. When I don't see Alvin's chest rising (like pagnakadapa siya), I poke him till he moves, seriously.

2.) Now that we have Anika, my "ka-praningan" doubled. I also wake up in the middle of the night to see if she's breathing also. Promise! Ay guys, have you heard of SIDS? SIDS is an acronym of Sudden Infant Death Syndrom. I've read all about it in What To Expect In The First Year book. It affects newborn to 6 month old babies. Eto yung bigla na lang hihinto yung breathing ng baby and they die. They haven't found the exact cause of these sudden death. So imagine how praning I am di ba?! I will blog more about this in detail soon so that well informed din ang mga future mommies out there. Alangan naman ako lang ang praning diba? Gagawin ko din kayong praning. Joke! Haha! No seriously, it is important to know more about SIDS. In the book, they have suggestions how to prevent this so I'll share them to you too.

3.) I do not trust anyone to prepare Anika's tulugan (or where she will sleep). I clean the bed every night. I do not want to have insects lalo na ants to be lurking around. I always think na baka pumasok sa ears ng baby ko which is very bad. I make pagpag the bed, her blankets and the pillow. That' how praning I am.

4.) I call Girlie 10 thousand times a day when I'm at work. I stopped lang after this conversation

Me: Girlie, kamusta si Anika.

Girlie: Tulog pa din po. (or gising po or dumedede po or naglalaro laro lang po or pinapatulog ko po)

Me: Okay, matulog ka din ha para hindi ka puyat

This goes on every phone call until one time..

Me: Girlie, ano ginagawa ni Anika?

Girlie: Tulog pa din po.

Me: Okay, matulog ka din ha para di ka puyat.

Girlie: Hindi Ate, okay lang..

Me: O bakit?! Matulog ka! Masama yan napupuyat ka!

Girlie: Eh Ate, tawag ka po kasi ng tawag eh, hindi po ako makatulog.

Okaaayy.. So, I lessened my calls na lang. Pero before I leave the house, I make sure Girlie has load para she can call me pagmay emergencies (which I hope wala).

5.) I talk to Alvin about our game plan if ever magkaron ng magnanakaw na gusto pumasok sa bahay during the day pagwala kami. Girlie will lock the door, call me and I will call the baranggay, Alfred or Abbey, Alvin's dad and my mom (Mama can have someone from the Philippine National Police arrive at our house in minutes! Seriously.). That's the game plan.

6.) I started saving money. Before I got married, come sweldo time, ubos ang laman ng ATM ko. Now, especially Anika's here na, I get uneasy if our money in our bank dips lower than a certain amount. You'll never know when you'll need it eh.

7.) Lastly, before I was brought to the hospital to give birth, I wrote Alvin a letter in case I died in the process of giving birth. Don't laugh or worse think that Im really morbid! Ang dami kong napapanood sa sine na ganyan ha! Tpos yung stepmother sinasalbahe yung stepdaughter niya (Cinderella much?!). Siyempre, I didn't want that to happen to Anika. Grabe, that was the most painful letter that I have ever written. I was crying the whole time. I was making bilin to Alvin everything from how much Im going to miss him to pano papalakihin si Anika. Grabe, praning ako and loka loka pa! Alvin didn't get to read the letter (obviously) and until now, hindi niya alam kung nasan yun. I only made bilin the letter that time to Faye (my cousin and the closest i have to a sister) which extracted a "Ate, sira ulo ka talaga!" from her.

Praning diba?! And motherhood aggravated it more. But Im okay. I've been like this for the longest time and I can deal with it. Alvin knows that I am like this and he deals with it to. Nagalit lang siya one time nung sinabi ko, "Babe, kanino natin ibibilin si Anika in case we die young?". But knowing Anika has 15 godmothers and 10 godfathers plus both our families pa, I feel kampante more or less but that doesn't stop me from praying every single night like this:

"Lord, thank you for all the blessing we have received and will be receiving from you. Please keep Alvin and Anika healthy and safe all the time. Wag niyo po sana sila kukunin sakin. If ever talagang may kukunin ka, ako na lang po muna kasi I cannot live without either of them po. Please po. Amen"

Praning much talaga diba?!