Hapiness 101 Part 2

Thank you very much for your comments and emails regarding my post about Happiness 101 Tuesday. Hindi niyo ma-imagine I went through all that noh? Hay naku. Lalo na ako. Sinusumpa ko yung period na yun. I wanna take back all those months na na-aksaya ko being like that. On the other hand, some of us need to experience that kasi part ng learning ng buhay yan. The important thing is I overcame it. Tandaan, God will never give you something that you cannot handle. Although, like I always say, sometimes I feel masyadong bilib sa akin si God. Lol.

I'm so sorry I cannot reply to all your questions and comments one by one. I wanna answer each and everyone of you kaso naman, tingnan niyo naman ang tambak na pipirmahan ko.

Kaloka di ba?

With that, I decided to dedicate another blog entry for that. I will try my best to incorporate here my answers to all your questions plus addition kwento during that ordeal. In my usual sabog way, here they are:

• When I had that "sickness", my psychiatrist told me to take one day at a time. I feel that this doesn't not only apply to those who feel sad but to all of us who are still living here on earth. Pang Miss Universe ang sagot ko ano?! Seriously, it helps manage stress. I know I am not the right person to say this kasi I am an epitome of a stressed person pero this is a good advice. Take it.

•  Wowa was, at first, indifferent to what I had. She thought (since isa nga akong napaka-arteng tao) I was just making inarte. Next, she couldn't understand why I was going through all that eh kung tutuusin, I belong to the "privileged" kids level. No financial obligations at home. I graduated from one of the top schools, gimik ng gimik, may sufficient material things that I enjoyed, may friends and in a relationship. But I know it pained her to watch me like that. One day, she called me to her room and prayed over me. Another day, to my surprise, she took me to an albularyo. Seriously. Pina-tawas ako ng nanay ko. The weird lady was throwing luya at me while mumbling incoherent words. Na-stress ako lalo. Haha.

• Before I understood what I had, there was a time then that I was really down, I almost did something stupid. Natauhan ako and ran to this church in Makati. Nakapang-bahay lang ako. I entered the confession room and cried to the priest. Alam niyo anong sabi nung pari sa akin? "Iha, confession room ito. Pumunta ka dun sa office at magpaschedule ka ng counseling.". O diba? Nasisiraan na ako ng bait pero magpaschedule daw muna ako. Naloka ako lalo.

•  I went to the church's office that time. I was begging them for a priest. Wala daw. Sa sunod na araw na daw ako pumunta. A kind old lady took pity on me. "Alika nga iha. Ano ang problema mo?" So there we were at the back of the church and I was crying to a stranger. She consoled me though hindi ko lang sure if she understood me. I keep telling her that I felt so down but don't know the reason. And then she told me to be strong like her. Siya nga daw, she has cancer and mag-isa na lang siya sa buhay. If I remember correctly, all she had for company at home was her cat. She doesn't have anybody else. She was battling cancer all by herself. She serves in the church because there she doesn't feel alone. She found comfort in God. O DI BA?! Eto ang sinasabi ko sa inyo that there are people in worse situations than you. That conversation ended with me consoling her and with me feeling better. I tried looking for her sometimes after that day hindi ko na siya makita dun sa church.

• Because of that kind old lady, I found comfort in praying too. I heard mass every single day. 

• The medicines that I took were Lexotan for my anxiety and Remeron for the depression. I remembered Remeron to be so expensive. It costs around Php 105 a piece and I had to drink it once a day. Meanwhile, Lexotan is a dangerous drug daw. The doctor gives me three copies of the prescription. All of those papers are surrendered to the drugstore. When I travelled to Europe, I had to have a certification pa from the doctor that I was taking all those medicines.

•  During medication, you cannot just suddenly stop it. You have to withdraw it properly from your system. Parang drugs lang talaga.

• No, my therapy sessions with my expensive psychiatrist (he was the best here daw said my gastroenterologist, hence his rate) wasn't like those in the movies na nakahiga ka and the doctor's talking to you. I wasn't speaking then nga eh so the sessions were like 5-10 minutes only. 

•  One BOOM thing that happened na natauhan talaga ako and decided to help myself to get better was during one of my weekly visits to the psychiatrist. I was at the clinic's receiving area (which looked depressing by the way) waiting for my turn to see the doctor. Beside me was this guy. He was talking nonstop. Akala ko may kausap. I looked around but ako lang, him and the doctor's secretary yung nandun. The secretary was talking to somebody on the phone. I looked at him and looked for a blue tooth device. Ate, wala. Nagsasalita lang siya mag-isa while rocking his body back and forth. The guy had schizoprenia. Pucha yan. Right then and there, I swore to myself that I will help myself to get better. Ayoko matulad sa kanyaaaaaa!

After all that, with the help of the people who loved and cared for me, I made it out. It was a difficult journey but I survived. I know a lot of you out there know of people who are currently undergoing the stuff I went through before. Let's try and help them. Makikinig ka lang naman sa kanila, malaking bagay na yun.

Let's make the most of everything while we're here on earth. Ika nga kay Alvin, "Ang sarap kaya mabuhay!" =)